


Not Bad At All

by ribbonelle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Death, Dream Bubbles, M/M, Tavros wanting Gamzee, To die, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-05
Updated: 2012-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-09 05:23:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribbonelle/pseuds/ribbonelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tavros' opinions about death itself.  About Gamzee.  And about Gamzee dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Bad At All

Your name is TAVROS NITRAM, and you are dead.

Well, death wasn’t as bad as you expected. To be perfectly honest, it isn’t that bad at all.  You were the never the kind that thought much about death, save for a few instances. Like when you fell off that cliff, ~~was pushed off, to be accurate~~ , and everything was so fucking painful, and you just thought, “Let me die, this is too much.”

And there was that fleeting moment of realization of what you just thought of, and you felt _terrified_ , of the endless void of darkness in death, of _not living._ And you instantly shoved that notion away, gritting your teeth against the pain, and proceeded to contact Karkat. He was mean, ~~but you’re 0kay with it now,~~ and for the few hours you were on the ground waiting, you didn’t think about death. You just try to cope with the pain and try to figure out what had gone wrong with your legs.

The second time you thought about death was when you accidentally killed ~~murdered~~ Tinkerbull. You held your bleeding, dead lusus in your hands, brown tears streaking your cheeks, and you mourn for him. And you wonder where he would go.  Yeah, he was to be your sprite but in general, where do dead people _go_? If something as sweet and loving as Tinkerbull succumbed to death, it must be _~~has to be~~_ not as lonely and morbid and dark as you first thought it out to be. You tried imagining it, but you can’t. You just didn’t think about death. You couldn’t if you tried.

Even when you charged at Vriska, lance aimed at her chest, and the next thing you knew it was right through you, and you died; the thought of actually dying didn’t occur to you.  Only till you met Aradia, who explained it to you, _then and only then,_ did you knew about death. That you were in fact, dead, and was not having the best dream of your life.

And fuck it if it wasn’t the most awesome thing that has ever happened to you. You can _walk_ , and that is all there is to say on the matter. Vriska was nonexistent in your life, and you got to hang out with the coolest living thing you’ve ever met and share bubbles with him. You have no regrets whatsoever dying. Except one thing though.

Gamzee.  Your funny, intoxicated, motherfucking best bro. You never did answer him, did you? It was so sudden; you didn’t really digest what he was implying when he sort of confessed. And when you did, after unconsciously leaving your finger on the ‘,’ on your husktop, you still couldn’t grasp the full meaning of what was happening. You love Gamzee, because he’s nice and spends time with you and actually discards the fact about you being a cripple, but. You’ve never even considered being flushed for him. You rarely get good things in your life and just having a friend is so fucking precious, you never really considered having a matesprit. Who would want you? Apparently, Gamzee did.

And when you met him face to face in the Veil, your blood pusher leapt. He’s your best, bestest friend, how could it not? And for a moment, you think it wouldn’t be so bad, if you fell in love with him. You pity him, for his intoxication, for Goatdad, for him being born a highblood and not asking for it, for all the expectations on his shoulder.  And since the universe you both are in was coming to an end anyway, maybe, just maybe, you could try and be matesprits with Gamzee. The thought sends chills down your spine, and warms your face up even till today.  You decided to put that off till you won the game, of course. You even practiced how to confess to that Jade human, which was fucking terrible, for the record. You figured, to have a matesprit, you pretty much needed confidence. You didn’t mean to play around with Jade, but for the sake of confidence, or being sure enough to confess to Gamzee in the near future, you did anyway.

And then you died. Convenient how fate works, doesn’t it? Just when you had some respect for yourself, you got wiped out. But then. You’re pretty much glad you died, since your dream bubble is utter perfection for you. Nothing can hurt you anymore, and despite the bad memories that sometimes resurface, they’re _just_ memories. You, in death, are untouchable. Nothing can hurt you. This is the perfect place to have a healthy relationship without any shit about the hemospectrum and Vriska and being a subjugglator or a cavalreaper or whatever ~~. You refuse to believe what anyone else tells you, no he’s not crazy he’s not he’s NOT insane but even if he is, it doesn’t matter NOTHING MATTERS IN DEATH.~~

And that is why you wait for Gamzee to die. So the two of you can be together.  Waiting patiently, wanting, for your best bro to finally die. So the both if you can get your flush on and maybe share a bubble together, (along with Dave, of course) and you can touch him then, maybe even shyly kiss him, and confess.

Death is definitely not a bad thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, first Ao3 submission. This is one of my longer insights on Tavros and there's a lot of headcanons thrown about because bluhh. In canon, I do think Tavros never really requited Gamzee's feelings (if they were even serious) but I like the pairing as a whole and I would guess Tavros would have been good with Gamzee. For a lot of reasons that i might entail in later works.  
> Anyway, peace.  
> God, I suck at Ao3


End file.
